Showing posts from October, 2012


The issues around sexual abuse are both murky and mucky. It’s a nasty business. Victims experience many conflicting and confusing feelings and are often too ashamed and fearful to speak out. The abuser exercises power and control in order to get his sexual needs met, usually in the form of manipulation, exploitation and emotional blackmail. The victims feel paralysed and powerless. The psychological fallout for the victim can last a lifetime and may include feelings of shame and guilt, post-traumatic stress, loss of trust and security, fear of intimacy and commitment, to name but a few. Physical symptoms such as depression, eating disorders, addiction, co-dependence, self-harm, sexual and gynaecological  difficulties,  as well as inappropriate behavior and suicidal feelings may occur in their adult life. These are vulnerable people who have been damaged. Coming forward and speaking out about their abuse is an act of enormous courage. The risks are that they won’t be believed or taken ser…


Having It All?
How old are you?
How old were you when you got married?
What was your professional situation at the time?
How many children do you have?
Were all your pregnancies planned?
How much maternity/paternity leave did you have for each child?
Would you have liked more?
How was your career affected?
Did you/do you employ domestic help (cleaner, au pair, childminder, nanny)?
How did/does the relationship with that person affect the family?
How do you manage your children’s timetable and your career?
Do you bring work home?
Can you switch off your phone and laptop during evenings, weekends and holidays?
How often do you go out alone with your partner?
How often do you spend a weekend away with your partner?
How much time in a week do you have for yourself?
What do you find difficult in your daily life other than time management and tiredness?
What changes would you like to make?
Where do you see yourself in 5 years’ time?
What other question do you need to ask yourself?

Last updated Friday, Octob…


Someone I know in her early 60s with adult children and grandchildren is in a relationship with a man 15 years younger than her. He wanted to have a baby. So money being no object they found an egg donor, an American surrogate mother to carry the baby and a lawyer to sort out the payments, the baby's passport and legal documents. They brought the baby back to the UK and hired a nanny.  

This child has a genetic mother, a biological mother and an adoptive mother. Will she have identity issues? How will she feel with an old mother compared to her peer group? Will her adoptive mother die when the child is quite young? Was the mother's decision made out of fear of losing her partner to a younger woman? What were her real motives? Whose interests have come first?

There are several disturbing issues about this situation. It raises new questions about the uses of IVF and the meaning of motherhood. Is motherhood a right in any circumstances? At any age? At any price?
As this practice bec…