Showing posts from 2013


Tantric sex celebrates the exchange of energy through union of mind and body.
By intensifying and enhancing awareness, bringing our attention to the here and now and with conscious meditation, we find harmony and transcendental consciousness through sexual union.
With shared enlightenment and bliss we surrender to ecstasy and touch the sublime. We find a sacred and spiritual connection to the cosmos through the divine and ecstatic sexual union between the god Shiva and the goddess Shakti.
Sex is slow and sensual, prolonging pleasure and witholding ejaculation, as semen is a precious and sacred life force not to be wasted. With synchronised breathing and shared mindfulness we can also pay attention to the 5 senses.
Find a calm and intimate private space. Light candles and incense, play soft music Start by slowly washing each other Give each other an all -over gentle massage with perfumed oil Sitting facing legs wrapped around each other Ask for what you want, give what your partner wants Experim…


The ancient Chinese take on sex is both practical and spiritual. Sexual union brings harmony of Yin (female) and Yang (male). Their imagery is about hills and valleys (female) and guns and cannons (male), fire (female) and water (male). “Bring the water to the boil by keeping the fire burning.” “Make love not war.”
They believed that ejaculation brings loss of energy, so men should retain their semen. Because of women’s superior sexual power, men need to absorb her orgasmic energy in order to find shared sexual essence and ecstasy.
Proper skills are necessary to make the best use of this essence.
The 5 signs that a woman is ready for sex are
1.Her face reddens 2.Her nipples harden 3.Her throat goes dry 4.Her vagina opens 5.She lubricates copiously
The 5 desires are
1.Intent (rapid breathing and pulse) 2.Awareness (genital stimulation) 3.Lubrication (intercourse) 4.Orgasm 5.Bliss
The 4 positions are
1.Man on top (classic missionary) 2.Woman on top ( often best for women)


Channel 4’s Sex Box on Monday managed to be both boring and prurient . The big wooden cabin into which the couples disappeared was like a firework that didn’t go off – it might as well have been a radio show. It’s not as if Channel 4 hasn’t featured live sex before – a reality show  a few years ago showed couples having sex albeit through a Vaseline-smeared lens  Despite the fact that Mariella is half-Norwegian and of the  “sexperts” Tracey Cox grew up in Australia and Dan Savage is American, it all seemed very British. None of the discussion went into the effects of porn on sex and society. The documentary by ex- Loaded editor Martin Daubney, however, was very good on this subject. There’s a real conversation to be had about porn that is not just about press freedom. In the absence of better provision in schools it is becoming a formative part of sex education and we’re seeing depressing trends in sexting and boys getting girls to perform sex acts they’ve seen online, while…


Last night I went to the launch of a women's club. The theme was Sluts. I listened to several young women in their 30s talking about feminism, sex and sexuality. It's as though the 60s never happened. Where is their confidence? Their self-esteem? Their courage? I found it dispiriting that they are still worrying about the same issues I had hoped were dealt with 40 years ago. Where did it all go wrong? I took the mike to tell them how it was, the changes we made and that we must keep it going with the belief that we value our sexuality and we are entitled to our equal place in the world. Although of course in the real world the issues are about schooling for Afghani girls, sex trafficking, habitual rape and putting an end to female genital mutilation for a start, not whether we are sluts or not. Here in our cosy Western world we are spoilt, privileged and pampered. We should be thankful.


My 2 weeks at Skyros were mind-blowing. First of all the site is on a hill in a beautiful pine grove with sea views and access to 3 small beaches. The sea is crystal clear and the bar faces due west so the sunsets are absolutely stunning. It's a therapeutic community 70s California style so I came away feeling liberated, empowered and inspired. I also met some very good people and had great fun. My birthday was celebrated in song and music and 2 naked young men in aprons bringing me the cake. I hope I am invited back next year.


This is based on Masters and Johnson’s sex therapy exercises, tailored to fit the clients and their particular sexual difficulties. It has been used successfully for over 45 years and is part of psychosexual training. The first rule is a complete ban on penetrative sex so as to remove any pressure or expectation. The exercises must be carried out equally on a 50/50 basis. The first exercise involves touching each other all over in different ways without touching breasts or genitals. There is no sexual goal whatsoever. This is repeated several times over a period of weeks and very often brings up resistances and psychological blocks which are addressed together with the therapist. The second exercise is the same as the first but includes breasts and genitals. There is still no goal to give pleasure. Feedback with the therapist continues. Part three consists of giving each other pleasure without full intercourse and no other goal, on the basis of what has bee…


How would you define pornography? Hard porn? Soft porn? Eroticism? The difference between nasty and sexy?
We are now able to access totally explicit images on the internet that cover every possible way to have sex, including illegal acts such as rape, sex with children or with animals. You will find sexual acts of violence involving sadomasochism, bondage, beating with whips and chains, the vaginal and anal use of dildos and other objects, rough sex in any orifice and even the use of urine and faeces as a sexual turn-on.
You can see 2 men penetrating a woman anally and vaginally while she sucks off a third man, or 2 women finger-fucking each other and giving a man oral sex, or any combination of the above and then more. Maybe you just want to watch 2 people having sex, or a man coming all over her face or in her mouth. .  The women have big breasts, pouty lips, no pubic hair and loudly fake enjoyment, pleasure and noisy orgasms while they service men who are always erect. There are no t…


‘Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way/The time is gone, the song is over, thought I’d something more to say.’ Pink Floyd’s album Dark Side of the Moon is, arguably, the quintessential expression of the aspirations and values of the baby boomer cohort. Escape the daily, purposeless grind, the lyrics (written by a group who were themselves baby boomers)urge; don’t sit around waiting for someone else to tell you what to do; seize the moment, act for yourself, don’t be eaten by the machine. The first so-called baby boom .occurred between 1946 and 1955, immediately following the end of the Second World War. This was the cohort of young people who, in their late teens and early 20s, began to foment the technicoloured mix of social, sexual and (in some countries) political revolution that is widely associated with the 1960s. From their birth to old age, this group has enjoyed far greater opportunities than any other: the NHS (they are the first generation to enjoy free healthcare from cradle to grave); …


The regular practice of yoga can enhance your sex life by bringing:

1) Flexibility
2) Strength and energy
3) Body awareness and control
4) Concentration through breathing
5) Inner calm and mindfulness

and if you practice it with your partner you will be sharing increased trust and intimacy.


As a Fellow of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy with 27 years professional experience I can say that celibacy is not a natural state and that anyone choosing to be celibate is denying a profound if primitive evolutionary drive and instinct. From a psychological point of view it is worth exploring why anyone would consciously make such a choice.. We are all sexual beings, whether we are sexually active or not. Suppressing or repressing our sexuality for whatever reason may lead to all kinds of behaviour
that could be the cause of much unhappiness to ourselves and to others. Let those who choose celibacy be aware of the possible pitfalls before embarking on a life of denial.


I recently stayed overnight to babysit my favourite 3 year-old. She is enchanting, communicative and funny. We get on extremely well. Her father is only home at weekends because he is currently working abroad. In the morning I was talking to him at some length when she suddenly got really angry with him. She flipped him several times with her blanket and pulled at his sleeve. He asked her to stop but she wouldn't so he got cross with her. She started to cry and flounced out of the room. Jealous! Then she came back and announced that she was going to do a poo in the loo, which she did and then called out for him to wipe her. Certainly got all of his attention there (issues of power and control). After that she sat on Mummy's lap, snuggled up and asked for a bottle (regressive behaviour, back to being a baby).
Time for me to leave this little triangle. She was pleased to see me go, but handled my departure very efficiently and politely, with much real affection.
And they say Fr…


Arrived at night by taxi to the edge of the Medina. Guided through dark narrow alleys by various men in black leather jackets through narrow alleys teeming with motorbikes, scooters and bicycles. Checked in to our little riad and were then taken to a beautiful tented restaurant to eat delicious couscous.
Woke to sun and blue sky. Picked upthe hire car and drove 200 miles up and over the High Atlas mountains, past cactus and palm trees, olive trees and blossom, cypress and pines over the pass at 2260 metres down to a varied landscape announcing the desert.

Found our beautiful peaceful 18th century kasbah hotel set among the palms and olive trees, sat out on the cushioned terrace facing the sun and the birds sitting on the crenallated flat roof opposite.
Big shiny stars and a new moon at night. What did the early astronomers and travellers make of them?
Delicious dinner by a log fire. Breakfast of pancakes and honey on the terrace.
We drove out to view the scenery, whi…

JOYCE MANSOUR in fear of madness

Weep my soul for the earth is bare
Weep sky without grief
So that my bread can flower again
Weep merciless God
My dog no longer laughs
My sex is drying out
And the golden leaves of madness
Are falling.

JOYCE MANSOUR translated by Carol Martin-Sperry

Pleure mon ame car la terre est nue
Pleure ciel sans malheur
Pour que mon pain refleurisse
Pleure Dieu sans pitie
Mon chien ne rit plus
Mon sexe se desseche
Et les feulles dorees du delire

JOYCE MANSOUR poem about the rain

It's raining in the blue shell that is my city
It's raining and the sea keens
The dead cry ceaselessly, insanely, noses running
The trees sketch their profiles across the travelling sky
Revealing their thick limbs to the angels and the birds
For it's raining and the wind has died.
The crazy raindrops feathered with filth
Chase away the cats in the streets
And the greasy smell of your name spreads across the cement
Of the pavements.

JOYCE MANSOUR translated by Carol Martin-Sperry

Il pleut dans le coquillage bleu qu'est ma ville
Il pleut et le ciel se lamente
Les morts pleurent sans cease, sans raison, sans mouchoirs
Les arbres se profilent contre le ciel voyageur
Exhibant leurs membres drus aux anges et aux oiseaux
Car il pleut et le vent s'est tu.
Les gouttes folles plumees de crasse
Chassent les chats dans les rues
Et l'odeur grasse de ton nom se repand sur le ciment
Des trottoirs.


Every night when I am alone
I tell you of my tenderness
And I strangle a flower.
The fire slowly dies down
Diminished by sadness
And butterflies reside
In the mirror where my shadow sleeps.
Every night when I am alone
I read the future in the eyes of the dying
My breath mingles with the blood of owls
And my heart races at a crescendo
With the insane.

Tous les soirs quand je suis seule
Je te raconte ma tendresse
Et j'etrangle une fleur.
Le feu lentement
Contracte de tristesse
Et dans le moroir ou dort mon ombre
Des papillons demeurent
Tous les soirs quand je suis seule
Je lis l'avenir dans les yeux des moribonds
Je mele mon haleine au sang des hiboux
Et mon coeur court crescendo
Avec les fous.

Joyce Mansour translated by Carol Martin-Sperry


May my breasts provoke you
I want your rage.
I want to see your eyes thicken
Your cheeks whiten as they go hollow.
I want your shudders.
May you burst between my thighs.
May my desires be fulfilled on the fertile soil
Of your shameless body.

Que mes seins te provoquent
Je veux ta rage.
Je veux voir tes yeux epaissir
Tes joues blanchir en se creusant.
Je veux tes frissons.
Que tu eclates entre mes cuisses
Que mes desirs soient exauces sur le sol fertile
De ton corps sans pudeur.

Joyce Mansour translated by Carol Martin-Sperry


If marriage is an institution and " institution" is described as "established law, custom, usage, practice, organisation or other element in the political or social life of a people", surely gay marriage comes under "other element".

JOYCE MANSOUR is there hope?

Because I have my whole life ahead of me

 I search in vain for a reflection of my joy
In the hole where I thought I’d find your heart
I dug that hole in the centre of your body
Of ebony and ivory of thirst and blood
So I could hide my glasses there so I could scribble my fear there
So I would know if there really are strawberries for lunch
Or only black pudding

Translated by Carol Martin-Sperry

Vainement je cherche un reflet de ma joie
Dans le trou ou je pensais trouver ton Coeur
D’ebene et d’ivoire de soif et de sang
Pour y cacher mes lunettes pour y griffonner ma peur
Pour savoir si vraiment il y des fraises pour le dejeuner
Ou seulement du boudin noir

JOYCE MANSOUR the mental pain of sex

Lying on my bed
                         I see your face reflected on the wall
                         Your shadowless body scaring mine
                         Your frantic and rhythmic comings and goings
                         Your grimaces chasing all the furniture from the room
                         Apart from the bed anchored by my liar’s sweat
                         And me waiting without cover or hope
                         For the agony.

                         JOYCE  MANSOUR                          Translated by Carol Martin-Sperry

                         Couchee sur mon lit                          Je vois ton visage reflete sur le mur
                         Ton corps sans ombre qui fait peur au mien
                         Tes allees et venues frenetiques et cadencees
                         Tes grimaces qui vont fuir tout les meubles de la piece
                          Sauf le lit ancre par ma sueur de mensonge
                          Et moi …


Why are boys apparently more assertive and confident than girls? Young women seem to have more issues with self-esteem than young men, they need approval and affirmation from an early age. Boys on the whole are more likely to be risk-takers. Girls tend not to break the rules, they are more compliant. When it comes to attention-seeking, girls can be devious and manipulative, whereas boys just shout louder or behave badly in more obvious ways. These gender-specific roles play out in school. The advantages for young women is that they are now making the most of their education and forging ahead while the boys lag behind. Men may lead in high-tech careers and entrepreneurship but women are overtaking them in medicine and law, although they are under-represented in the boardrooms. There is still a gender pay-gap but many women are becoming economically independent and often out-earn their partners. What effect is this having on the male psyche? Many men feel emasculated by their successful p…

JOYCE MANSOUR a declaration of love

I want to sleep side by side with you
                        Hair intermingled
                        Genitals linked
                         Your mouth as a pillow.
                         I want to sleep back to back with you
                        No breath to separate us
                        No words to distract us
                        No lying eyes
                        No clothes.
                        I want to sleep breast to breast with you
                       Contorted, sweat
                       Shining from a thousand shudders
                       Consumed by the insane inertia of ecstasy
                       Splayed across your shadow
                       Hammered by your tongue
                       Dying between your decayed rabbit’s teeth

                      JOYCE  MANSOURTranslated by Carol Martin-Sperry
Je veux dormir avec toi coude a coude